maybe if i am having an off day i should just avoid.. …… the internet?but i mean like maybe also people shouldnt…. post graphic self mutilation photos on….. facebook.
with the exhortation to share to stop… .. . shit what was it, cyberbulling? i think it was cyberbullying but like…. wooooooooooow
that…. doesnt make self harmers feel supported? generally speaking? i mean images are a p. common trigger?
idk i just feel like i mean i underststnd there arent like…. any real “safe spacesrs” on line but i mean, i feel like i should be able to expect that things like that wont usually just pop up…….on like facebook. idk
I am officially saving up for a new tattoo, and maybe that will help me sublimate my more self destructive urges, at least temporarily. My hopes are that knowing that I’m saving up, and that it will be happening in the near future can help me put things off.
I’ve been told that willpower is like a muscle, if you abstain from bad habits long enough, it gets easier over time. There are plenty of times where that’s been the case, but unfortunately this isn’t one of them. Then again, I’ve also been told repetition breeds familiarity, and if I keep doing something that induces anxiety, it will eventually get easier.
And anyone who knows me knows how well that works out.
shit shit shit shit shit shit shit
The weather has been milder lately, and so I’ve been wearing short sleeves, and I guess…. I mean I don’t really have any new scars since fall, but maybe everyone sort of…. forgot they were there? So I’ve been fielding questions from classmates for the past week or so and it’s just like…
Ok it’s pretty obvious what these are. There are not many other things that could cause a bunch of parallel, straight scars on my arms. First of all, it’s a bit rude to ask? Especially in front of other people?
Second of all, if I tell you, don’t look at me in shock and dismay like you were expecting me to, I don’t know, lie about it? Tell you something that will make you feel better? Sorry, if you ask an uncomfortable and inappropriate question, don’t get upset when you get an upsetting answer.
But, whatever. None of that made me feel anywhere near as shitty as when I was cutting this guy’s hair the other day, he was a therapist. And we’d been chatting a little, and he looks at my arms, and then at me and says “Those sure are some cat scratches you have there” in this this fucking tone and
gives me this look, and we both know that he knows they aren’t from my cat.
I don’t know, whatever. People need to learn tact.
Redid the color accent in my hair, I’m so freakishly proud of myself. You know you can rock out highlights when you’re weaving them out and can’t see a damn thing through all the foil hanging in front of your eyes.
I used Ion Color Brilliance Brights in teal for the base, and Urban Shock in blue and green for the highlights. I was going for kind of a peacock look